Full of Myself
In the Realisation Process by Judith Blackstone, the meditation practice is comprised of placing awareness into body parts in a subtle way and guides you to feel “a sense of self” in these parts.
In my embodied practice I take this idea and check-in with my body, connecting with a “sense of self” as kind of a body scan.
Initially, when I did this practice it felt like bringing “myself back to myself”; like I was collecting scattered parts of me from space.
When I did this practice first thing in the morning, it felt like putting the puzzle back into place (puzzle = sleep, place= awake).
Over time this practice become “a sense of being”; a way for me to feel like "myself" and use it as a reference point during the day calling in parts of myself that were scattered around.
It feels like a magnet pulling everything inwards, or a mother calling her young home, which for me evokes a sense of relief, ease, gratitude, pleasure, joy, and love.
I feel full of myself again.
I don’t know when and how this phrase became the insult that we associate it with. I know I have a lot of feelings about people being “full of themselves”, as in - arrogant, vain, conceited, self-centered, self-serving, smug, egocentric, etc.
But feeling FULL OF MYSELF in an EMBODIED AWARE way is a pleasurable sensation. It means I feel good in my body and thus feel good about being myself. Moreover, the emptiness I used to feel - this pull outwards - is no longer my experience as I know how it feels to be full.
Of course, I still need validation, and I carry around fear of being seen as arrogant, self-serving and smug as I navigate through this life - this is HUMAN.
The underline reason for this share is normalizing the feeling of being FULL of YOURSELF as a desired sensation, and from my personal experience, showing up as such (owning that, holding that) is worth exploring if what you want is more intimate, authentic connections.
With love Inbar