What do you feel when you hear this question? do you feel expanded or contracted? Potential or limitation?
I’m sure I’m not the only one that has a strained relationship with this question. For me, I often heard it growing up following a complaint I made, expressing a disappointment, dissatisfaction of sorts.
At the time, I was not able to access my “wants” as my “don’t want” were so loud (now I know that I just wanted to want for myself).
It felt like a trick question; like it wasn’t asked to hear what I want, but rather to tell me that what I want is not ok. I received this question in such a way that made me doubt myself, question my motives, and feel like wanting something is wrong.
Nowadays I notice, “WHAT DO YOU WANT, INBAR?” echos in my mind often in the form of my inner critic.
I think we are all in some way conditioned to feel that wanting something for ourselves is wrong. That it’s virtuous to not want and thus this question never really enters our psyche in a healthy way.
Moreover, we often project this “want” to someone else “I want this for you” - when someone wants something for you, they not only give up what they want for themselves, they also take away your power (agency) to want in the process (that’s when I feel limited and obliged).
Today I had a moment when this question entered my mind and filled me up with joy and awe, WHAT DO I WANT? emphasis on the I. All these possibilities came rushing in, so much expansion and love.
For me “wanting” is “creating”. When I want something for myself I am able to create things in a generous, open way; when I want something for myself, I extend the same in return;
Wanting for myself doesn’t take from others but gives.
So what do I want? I want to want more, I want to show up wanting for myself and extend the same to others. I want to show up as an individual with creative power, that has needs and wants, and to meet each other as such.
And what do you want?
I'm curious how this text lands with you, let me know in the comments if you feel like sharing.
With love Inbar
In the photo, my view, from my new home, that I dared to want and create (with ease!).